How to avoid unhealthy social comparison
If you’ve ever caught yourself comparing your intelligence to your counterparts’ or scrolling through social media scrutinising someone’s looks versus yours, you’re familiar with self-comparison. If you usually walk away feeling motivated – power to you! If you end up feeling dissatisfied and anxious, this article is for you.
What is Social Comparison Theory?
Social comparison theory is a concept where we evaluate our social and personal worth by comparing ourselves to others. Psychologist, Leon Festinger, developed the theory in 1954 and believed that the act of social comparison is part of identity formation, particularly as an adolescent. It can, however, have varying effects on us over our lifetime.
On the one hand, social comparison has the potential to boost our self-esteem or motivate us to achieve more. On the other, social comparison can result in dissatisfaction, anxiety and shame. It can even trigger adverse outcomes, such as lying, excessive competitiveness and overconfidence. These outcomes are often indicative of how we compare. According to Festinger’s theory, there are three key ways:
Upward social comparison
This occurs when you compare yourself to someone who you believe is better than you. Upward social comparison often results in us feeling inferior.
Downward social comparison
This is the opposite to upward social comparison: you evaluate yourself against someone who you view as worse off. Unsurprisingly, this usually makes you feel better about yourself or your situation.
Lateral social comparison
If you compare yourself to someone who you view as your ‘equal’, it is known as lateral social comparison.
What are the dangers of social comparison?
A 2018 research review collated 60 years of social comparison studies and discovered that we tend to mostly make upward social comparisons. While this has the potential to inspire, we usually feel worse for it.
The issue is, our perspective can often be distorted, particularly as we are exposed to endless streams of ‘perfect’ homes, jobs, families and figures. As a result, we are continually comparing ‘up’ when we often need not to. This results in inaccurate comparisons and unwarranted dissatisfaction, shame or anxiety.
While it is difficult to determine what comes first, research has shown that people who suffer from unhappiness or low self-esteem are more likely to socially compare. Furthermore, those who are unhappy are more susceptible to upward social comparison and the negative impact that can come with it. The comparison then makes them feel worse, and thus the negative cycle strengthens.
How to avoid unhealthy social comparison binges
Practice gratitude
Taking the time to appreciate what you have is proven to lead to greater happiness and satisfaction with one’s life. Try writing down three things you’re grateful each evening or create a habit of sharing your favourite part of the day with others over dinner.
Understand biased comparisons
Many people have biased views of other people’s lives. If you believe you have a less active social life than others and compare yourself to the most social person you know, of course you’re going to feel sub-standard. Being aware of this bias can help you to make more realistic and motivating comparisons.
Identify your social comparison triggers
When do you most often find yourself exercising self-comparison? Is it when you’re feeling down, unmotivated or mediocre? Do you feel worse after spending time with certain people? Becoming more self-aware can help you to identify and overcome your social comparison triggers.
Focus on your strengths
It’s easy to admire someone else’s strengths, particularly they have a skill or trait you want to work on. Yet for some reason, it can be difficult to appreciate our own. Whether you’re incredible with children, have a knack for writing or bake the most delicious brownies, you have strengths to celebrate.
Practice self-love
Despite what many people portray, no-one is perfect. If you hear those nasty self-comparison thoughts creeping in, try talking to yourself as if you were a friend. As the old saying goes, love conquers all.
Make you your competition
It’s so easy to forget how far we have come. Instead of comparing with others, compare yourself with who you were one, two or even 10 years ago. Self-reflection can be extraordinarily eye-opening!
Unplug
If you find yourself spinning in the self-comparison cycle, take some time away from social media or those you feel worse around. Take a walk, write in your journal or enjoy a coffee with a good friend – allow your mind to rest and reset.
With a little gratitude, self-love and self-reflection, adverse outcomes from social comparison can be a thing of the past. While it might seem overwhelming at first, self-awareness is the first step to conquer the self-comparison binges that are bringing you down. In time, you might even find that instead of feeling dissatisfied, social comparison could start to make you feel more motivated!
