The solutions lie inside of you.
The world we live in encourages us to look outside of ourselves for some of life’s most treasured feelings: love, happiness, safety, peace and fulfilment.
Society makes us believe if we have more money, ‘things’, friends, approval, popularity and ‘success’, we will be happier. So, we make decisions to satisfy our friends and use external influences such as emotional eating or retail therapy to soothe ourselves. We find outer reasons for our unhappiness and continuously search for that ‘something’ missing from our lives – if we can just find ‘it’, everything will be okay.
Why you need to look inside yourself for solutions
When you get sucked into this cycle, you often believe that you will finally feel happy if you can find the external answer: “If I lose 5kg… if I get a divorce… if I can just meet that special someone, I will be happy.” And when you achieve this yet still feel discontent, you seek comfort in more external answers: “Another 5kg will do it, I’m sure…” “Divorce is lonely… why did she ruin our relationship?” “Why doesn’t he make me happy?” And the cycle continues.
Looking outside of yourself for happiness is one thing. It is another to outsource who you are to ‘fit in’ or keep others content. Perhaps you chose a career path to solely make your parents proud. You might say what you think is ‘right’ rather than what you honestly feel. Maybe you chase acceptance by bending over backwards to please others. All to avoid the shame, loneliness and anxiety associated with disapproval or being dissimilar.
It is easier to shift blame, avoid responsibility and agree with others’ opinions than to face our emotions or to admit our faults and differences. The problem is, if you look outside of yourself for answers, you focus on what others or things can do to make you happier. You rely on material possessions, friends, family and co-workers to provide solutions or behave in ways that will please you. By doing this, you literally place your happiness in the hands of external sources.
If you choose to search inside of yourself for answers, you get to take control. You can find solutions to problems by focusing on what you want. Better yet, you get to explore your perspectives, beliefs and behaviours and can adjust them to create your own happiness. You remain true to yourself. You don’t need to rely on anyone or anything to make you happy, nor do you need to control external influences to be satisfied.
Let me tell you, it is one of the most empowering and life-changing shifts you will ever experience.
Trust yourself, you already have the answers to true happiness
Looking inside for answers can be confronting, but self-awareness is the first step to real change. Next time you feel like you are looking outside of yourself for solutions to your happiness or who you are, use these steps to explore your answers within:
- Set aside some ‘me’ time. Turn off technology and find a place you won’t be disturbed. Go for a walk alone, sit outside in the sun, enjoy a relaxing bath or curl up in your favourite chair. Disconnecting is vital to reveal your answers within.
- Quiet your mind. As you relax, allow your thoughts to float by. It’s important to just observe them without judgment. No commentary. No negativity or positivity – just neutrality. Use a notebook to write down any important thoughts that crop up before letting them drift on. You can come back to these later. Focus on a calm, steady breath and just ‘be’.
- Ask questions. Once you are relaxed and aware of your thoughts, ask questions. Allow the answers to naturally flow into your awareness. They can come in many shapes and forms, whether it is a vision, word or feeling. Remove any expectations and don’t dig for answers. They may arrive then and there or quietly rise to the surface as you go about your life in the coming hours and days.
- Follow your physical and emotional energy. Your automatic responses are always tell-tale signs to your honest solutions. When an answer arises, pay attention to how you feel: does your initial energy increase or decrease? Does it feel light or heavy? (You need to assess this the moment it arises. The more you think about it, the more you attach external influences, which can change the true feeling and energy.)
- Trust and practice. It takes time to develop self-awareness, so it’s essential to practice. If you take five to 10 minutes to do this daily, the trust in yourself and your answers will grow.
If you’re afraid to look within or don’t know where to start, you don’t have to do it alone. As an Emotional Wellness & Clarity Coach, I am here to walk with you on your journey. I will empower you to own all parts of your story and to finally find the answers you need to create a full and happy life.
To schedule a complimentary, obligation-free Discovery Session to uncover your inner answers, you can contact me here.
